Men Have Called Her Crazy
A Memoir
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4.0 • 88 Ratings
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- $14.99
Publisher Description
*NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER*
“This book is so many things I didn’t know I needed: a testament to the work of healing, a raw howl of anger, and an indictment of misogyny’s insipid, predictable, infuriating reign.” —Carmen Maria Machado, author of the National Book Award finalist Her Body and Other Parties and the Lambda Literary Award winner In the Dream House
A powerful memoir that reckons with mental health as well as the insidious ways men impact the lives of women.
In early 2021, popular artist Anna Marie Tendler checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a year of crippling anxiety, depression, and self-harm. Over two weeks, she underwent myriad psychological tests, participated in numerous therapy sessions, connected with fellow patients and experienced profound breakthroughs, such as when a doctor noted, “There is a you inside that feels invisible to those looking at you from the outside.”
In Men Have Called Her Crazy, Tendler recounts her hospital experience as well as pivotal moments in her life that preceded and followed. As the title suggests, many of these moments are impacted by men: unrequited love in high school; the twenty-eight-year-old she lost her virginity to when she was sixteen; the frustrations and absurdities of dating in her mid-thirties; and her decision to freeze her eggs as all her friends were starting families.
This stunning literary self-portrait examines the unreasonable expectations and pressures women face in the 21st century. Yet overwhelming and despairing as that can feel, Tendler ultimately offers a message of hope. Early in her stay in the hospital, she says, “My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.” By the end of the book, she fulfills that wish.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
This gripping mental health memoir by multimedia artist Anna Marie Tendler is seriously compelling reading. It opens with a near-broken Anna checking into a psychiatric hospital following an exhausting year of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Through two timelines, the book then covers her frustrating but ultimately enlightening stay in the facility and the experiences that got her there. Raised by a mother whose own chaotic emotional life colored Anna’s, she became both a people pleaser and a magnet for a certain type of quietly toxic guy. From dating a man who was nearly 40 when she was 16 to dealing with her own psychiatrist’s fragile ego, Anna details a lifetime of experiences. (Except one: Ex-husband John Mulaney is barely mentioned in passing, and not even by name.) She brings a sense of quiet resolve to what turns out to be a spirited, often wryly funny story of personal growth.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Multimedia artist Tendler (The Daily Face) recounts her struggles with mental illness and low self-esteem in this devastating personal history. She begins in 2021, when, at 35, she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital at her therapist's urging. From there, she weaves in flashbacks that describe, in wrenching detail, her teenage experiences with self-harm ("I am not sure how I landed on cutting... but I am certain I would have found my way to injurious behavior eventually") and a high school relationship that made her "a girl who, well into adulthood, would contort and conform to the desires of a man, overlooking his easy dismissal, and dampening self-worth, all to be loved." Much of the account examines a string of failed romances that eroded Tendler's self-worth, including teenage sexual experiences with much older men. (Her marriage to comedian John Mulaney is only ever alluded to.) She also discusses daily life in the psych ward, and the peace brought to her by her dog, Petunia, before she checked in. After contextualizing her depression as a partial by-product of a turbulent childhood spent witnessing blowout fights between her parents, Tendler ends on a hopeful note ("Life has in no way gotten easier..... But I've become sturdier"). In a sea of mental health memoirs, this stands out.
Customer Reviews
Read in one sitting
Overall, I very much enjoyed this book. Anna is insightful and extremely well spoken. I saw a lot of myself in her experiences and ways of processing the world. I did, however, find the “men as a whole ultimately reduce women as a whole” narrative to run a bit thin by the end. While I agree with her for the most part, I would have liked the book to end on a more self-reflective note.
This book is amazing
I absolutely loved this book. I never write reviews, mostly because I feel like my opinion doesn’t matter. However, I have to show my love for Anna Tendler. It was so well written, and the most relatable story to my own that I have ever come across. I think all women should read this book as an insight to our societal struggles, and for us to fully grasp that women have to stick together
Best memoir i have had the privilege to read
Thank you so much for writing your vital truths and sharing your life with us. Everything you wrote resonated w me on a feminist level on a therapeutic level and on a human level. I am beyond grateful to you for writing this book. Thank you so very much. Every woman and every therapist and every man who considers himself a feminist should read your story. It’s groundbreaking. Keep on shining your beautiful light