On A Calm Ocean, Drifting: Poems and Essays on Living With Mental Illness

On the 4th of February 2017, I survived suicide.

On the first anniversary of my survival I published On A Dark Wave, Floundering, featuring poetry, essays and fiction written in the first year of my recovery.

On A Calm Ocean, Drifting is both a sequel and an update to Dark Wave, written to celebrate the fifth anniversary of surviving suicide. It builds upon the hope at the end of Dark Wave, covering the last four years of recovery as I've gone from strength to strength and learned so much more about myself.

On A Calm Ocean, Drifting is a lighter read than its predecessor, written from a place of reflection and understanding of what I went through five years ago. It explores the lasting legacy of my suicide attempt and acknowledges the ways in which it still affects my life. And it covers the life altering process of discovering at thirty that I'd been living with undiagnosed ADHD and how that contributed to my mental health crisis.

I wrote On A Calm Ocean, Drifting to build on the promise I made at the end of Dark Wave; that it can get better, that life can go on after a suicide attempt, and, despite everything, it is possible to not only survive, but thrive.

I still believe in living as transparently and openly as possible when it comes to mental illness. With Dark Wave I opened up about the darkest moments of my life and proved that it is possible to survive the worst your brain can throw at you. With Calm Ocean I open up about finding the light again.

Because what I needed most on February 4th 2017 was hope, and, if I could go back in time to tell my past self how things would play out, I would.

But I can't, so I wrote On A Calm Ocean, Drifting instead.

If you're reading this because you're where I was that night, I want you to know that this doesn't have to be the end.

There is still hope.

It can get better. It did for me.

All you have to do is take that first, hardest step.