Self Destruction

I've wasted so much time allowing to be destroyed...
Too much.
Being too late.
Much too late.
Unfortunately ... I've pretended ... over explaining it one
million times into all my books that i was suffering a drama ... which was actually just an illusory one.
Induced.
Just ... to keep writing.
Just to feel ... the emotional and never disconnect of it.
Sabotaging myself ... a lot.
Allowing ... and actually pushing myself to stay in ... toxicity.
All being an act of ... self destruction.
A stupid idea.
The worst ... i could have.
Not being wise.
Knowing it's not ok to be near this cursed woman ... Carla ...
but still being with her.
Yeah ... pure absurdity.
Unfortunately ... my life.
Continuing having ... a miserable existence ... cause i was afraid of another type of ... future.
Not being able to visualise anything.
Any type of projection.
And ...
Yeah ... all continued ... pathetically.
Sabotaging myself ... again and again.
Betraying my soul.