Narcissistic abusers... They manipulate. They lie. They cheat. They pick fights. They gaslight to make their partners feel as though they are losing their minds. They compartmentalize their lives so that they can keep their stories and their characters straight. They seem to become whomever the situation calls for. They seem to do it with ease and a lack of conscience.
Many of my readers email me with their stories - I hear the same kinds of stories time and time again. They wonder if they are the ones who are abusive because their partner s are calling them so.... They wonder if they are going crazy because their partners like to throw that word in their faces, too. The narcissist talks his partner around in circles until she is unaware of what reality and truth are anymore. He isolates her and takes away her freedoms until she has very few left.
When a person's life is filled with negativity, craziness, chaos, and confusion, it is no wonder that a victim of a narcissist has no idea who is right and who is wrong anymore. The narcissist justifies all of his behavior, and he puts all of the blame for the chaotic relationship on his partner. He projects all of his negative feelings onto her, and then he goes about his day with a smile. He has gained or retained control of his world, and so he is happy again with his existence as a narcissist. This is the world that he lives in.
Outsiders start to wonder whether the person who is complaining about the narcissist is actually the crazy one. She starts to lose her grip while the narcissist is telling his friends, his family, and her family information that is conflicting with her stories. All the while he does it with a smile, and she is left even more isolated and alone. Other people cannot see past the charm that he won her over with.