The Belonging Mindset

Rates of loneliness are climbing across every age group, even as we've never had more ways to stay “connected.” The Belonging Mindset explains why — and gives you a clear, research-backed path back to genuine connection, at home, at work, and in every unfamiliar room you'll ever walk into.

Drawing on decades of research in psychology, neuroscience, and organizational behavior — from the neuroscience of social pain to Gottman's research on relationship repair, from attachment theory to the landmark studies on workplace belonging — Irene Vans reveals the difference between two ways of moving through the world: the auditioning mindset, which treats belonging as a role you must continuously win, and the belonging mindset, the settled inner conviction that you are allowed to take up space exactly as you are.

This is not a book about becoming more likeable. It is a practical, evidence-based guide to the internal architecture that determines whether you can recognize and receive the connection that is already available to you — and to rebuilding that architecture when rejection, difference, or simple neglect has worn it down.