A Message to All My Ladies

Guys, I wasn’t always like this; I apologize.
Circumstances made me what I am.

We have to be able to have conversations or debates in a civil and professional manner even when we are not politically correct and don’t agree with one another. Lots of people don’t seem capable of doing that without offending one another. Although sometimes we run away from having these debates, we feel low, and morale at the workplace and in society suffers because of it.
If I ever offend you, all I am asking is to give me the opportunity to explain myself and to apologize. Take a step back before you go on to report me. I often feel like you expect me to get the most severe punishment for my actions, yet you get disappointed when nothing comes of it in the end as a result of a lack of strong evidence.

Now, where did I get my prejudices from?
Prejudiced thoughts run through all of our minds although we pretend not to have them.

I was telling a friend how I dated this Indian girl way back in community college before I transferred to the University of Florida. We used to study together a lot in those empty classrooms late at night when no one was around. Of course we would find time to fool around once the security guard would make his final round.

The relationship was getting serious for me, and I didn’t want to get caught up into the friend’s zone; so I’ve decided to ask her if she could officially be my girlfriend.
She told me while smiling and all that I am very sweet and very smart. She continued on to tell me that she enjoys spending quality time with me. She thought that I was funny and made her laugh. Yes, there is the big but…it’s coming…She said unfortunately she couldn’t be with me because I wasn’t Indian and I didn’t belong to a so-called Indian caste system as she tried to explain it.

I was so naive then, so I didn’t quite grasp it. In fact, I believe there was something bigger in that conversation between her and I other than the fact that we’re both too dumb and too young to even have that conversation.

Apparently her parents had already picked someone for her back in India whom she had not even met. It was one of those arranged marriages that many cultures of the world practice that I had not heard anything about.

She explained to me that her parents were paying for her college tuition, and she did not want to be disobedient; otherwise they would disown her. Despite the fact that she loved me, she just had to do what was best for her. She went on and told me that presenting me to her parents would be a disaster for both of us. She said the odds were against me. Yes indeed the odds were against me. I was a black, Haitian, broke, student, still living with my parents, and I did not even have my American citizenship. We were both caught up in a weird relationship; she encouraged me to just enjoy the moment. She added that maybe if I was a white privileged man living in America, that things would slightly be different. She claimed that there was a lot at stake and she was hoping that I could understand that; yet I was caught up over how beautiful she was and how much I loved spending time with her. I guess I was hoping that eventually she would turn into a rebel and fight for our love, but there was way too much to lose.

I understood that and I wasn’t upset with her over her not wanting to disobey her family. I was only upset over the fact that I could not go to sleep and wake up the next morning and become an Indian to be with her. That hurts. It wasn’t a switch that I could just turn on and off. A Jew can hide his identity, and many of them did back in the Holocaust. Black people have been oppressed for way too long, yet it seems as if we are guilty for simply being black. I stand condemned for such crime.

We decided to go our separate ways, and I never dated another Indian girl ever since no matter how beautiful she was. Imagine that. Hope you enjoy the message in the book, guys. It’s more than that...