INSANITY = confusing realities

I've made the mistake of confusing realities one million
times.
And ... i still do it.
I thought it's stupidity ... using that excuse so many times ... but it's sort of a trick.
One trying to build a parallel world ... where i can mix all the elements which i like.
La creme de la creme ... as french people are saying.
But ... i am still weak.
Not being able to properly do it ... and when i understand that it's already too late ... i all the time become insane.
Really insane.
Losing the control on myself.
I mean ... totally.
Somehow becoming ... the worst version of myself as a
human being.
Of course ... still trying to heal myself ... but failing.
You see ... the ugly truth is that my mind ... is not
functioning properly anymore ... and i have to admit that I am too confused.
I guess ... i just need to stop myself.
Unfortunately ... i can't.
So ... meanwhile ... i jump from one reality to another ... not understanding very well what is really going on ... and ...
Well ... always acting weirdly.
Looking as a fool.
Or better said ... a clown.
One came from hell.