My illusory mental degradation ... a journey to awakening

I really am the prisoner of my own thoughts ... but deeply understand that bringing them to surface ... is the only real way ... not necessarily to heal myself ... but ...
And ... yeah ... that is why i write so many ... craps.
But ... not to offend myself ... i call this process ... self
therapy.
You see ... i wake up and write.
I just write ... and write ... anything which comes into my
mind ... and not be so, so pathetic ... i put all those
writings ... under the umbrella of book with a beautiful and interesting title.
Publishing books after books.
I call myself writer ... but i am just ... an imposter revealing his dark side ... in front of the public.
Nothing more.
Unfortunately ... many started to stop me ... recently ...
claiming i am suffering of a serious mental disease ... but to escape of them ... i've just changed my name in social media.
You see ... I know ... i am not sick.
I mean ... mentally sick.
I am not retard either.
At least ... not anymore.
In fact ... i am just evolving ... seeing more and more
things ... but ...
I guess ... i must just stop revealing them to the people who are into my life.
Becoming silent.
I mean ... near them.
And ... smile.
Be tricky.
Continue self therapy in social media ... posting under a fake name ... but ...
Well ... my real luck is that they are all ignorants ... and i'm sure they will never bother to read any of my books.
Not being profound beings.
So ... my life journey ... somehow reveals that i am insane ... but ...
Aha ... i guess ... it's all part of a process of spiritual
evolution.
I could use the word awakening ... even if it's actually too much ... but that's what i feel.
So ... what is happening ... and you will see it ... whatever you will read into my writings ... is a non ending confusion.
Contradictory thoughts.
Looking like trapped into a process of overthinking ... but for sure ... i am not.
So ... actually ... it's all about ... a nonsense pathetic journey on lots of pathless paths …
Aha.
The good thing ... is that i am not really ashamed of who i am.
Not anymore.
The so called ... insanity ... was and still is a ... blessing.