My Word

So  you  want  to  work  in  television.  You  want  a  book  that's  going  to  be  honest  about  it,    that's  going  to  tell  you  how  it  works,    how  talent  will  always  out  and  that  the  best  will  always  come  through .   Then  I  suggest  you  go  to  the  biography  section  of  your  local  bookshop  and  pick  up  a  copy  of  Bob  Monkhouse's  autobiography .   If  however  you  want  to  read the truth about  an  industry  rife  with  nepotism,    people  running  around  like  headless  chickens,    cocaine  snorting  and general drug abuse,   sexual  excess with threesomes,  foursomes,  backbiting,   power  struggles,    plagiarism  and  venomous  egos  venting  their  bag  of  inadequacies  then  read  on.  Because that was us  lot  on  the  Word.

As a show the Word influenced just about every light entertainment magazine format  from Richard and Judy,  Chris Evans and Jonathon Ross to whole channels like Sky One,  and the condescension which often masqueraded as humour on the Word has affected the whole of  entertainment from comedy and quiz shows to the craze for pushing the boundaries of reality TV.  Yes we were responsible for introducing all the wannabes who would screw Quasimodo and literally eat a shit butty if it meant they could get on the box – all a fore runner of the Big Brother type. The horrible realisation that dignity wasn’t so much for sale as being thrown away like confetti at a wedding – a direct descendent of The Circus Maximus and the Victorian Freak show. What did I gain from my involvement with this show ? Disliked by my bosses and most of the Channel 4 executives,  hated by the press and a proportion of my peers, a radio career more or less in tatters,  a television career that didn’t exist,  a bad case of piles,  an anal fissure,  alopoecia  and an even more twisted attitude. And do you know what – I’d do it all again tomorrow.