Riding the Subway with Heidi

When my daughter Heidi died at the age of 21, I discovered that I was abysmally unprepared for the grief that consumed me. Despite my academic training in death, dying, spirituality, and cultural values, I struggled with finding the meaning in her death and understanding what it means to grieve. This book is the culmination of my thoughts and experiences about Heidi, my personal grieving journey, the American cultural expectations of grief, and the emotional and existential dimensions of life and grieving. Riding the Subway with Heidi provides a new perspective on what it means to grieve, debunks cultural myths that actually hinder grieving, and shows how to integrate the process of grieving into your new grieffilled life. With a focus on finding balance, health, and meaning in life rather than chasing "closure", "moving on," or "going through stages," this book makes sense of the grieving process. It is both Heidi's story and mine. 


Charlie Schmidtke lives with his wife, Diane, in Tonawanda, NY. They have four daughters and eight grandchildren. He is Professor Emeritus from a private, Jesuit college in Buffalo having taught Philosophy, English, Psychology, Sociology, Communication and Gerontology courses. Currently he is active within the Evangelical Lutheran church serving as a conference deacon (preaches and leads worship in parishes throughout Western New York), working with parishes in conflict, and serving to assist parishes in transition. The family's journey through Heidi's illness and the death has redefined what is truly important in life. Years of talking with other parents in grief support sessions and with family and friends have shown that there are many unhealthy attitudes and approaches to grieving found in American society and fostered by professional care providers. Charlie hopes that Heidi's story and his reflections will create a healthier dialog for everyone affected by grief.