The Confusion

I already have moments ... when i have clarity ... realising i can't deny anymore ... the obvious ... but from weird reasons ... difficult to be understood ... i continue to pretend ... so easily claiming ... that it's all about the confusion from my mind and my soul.
Somehow ... my behaviour makes me look like ... an actor playing ... contradictory roles.
Of course ... pretending.
Again and again.
Cause ... the ridiculous truth ... no matter how much i deny it ... is that i don't really like my conclusions.
About me.
About my life.
And ... it's nicer to lie myself that i do not understand
anything at all ... or even if i start to understand ... that it's still unclear.
That is how ... i've became a liar ... claiming so strongly that i am confused.
Repeating it loudly ... till a point of even looking like ... i try to say that confusion itself is a virtue.
Of course ... it's ridiculous.
Of course ... that i am pathetic.
But ... i continue having the same speech.
On and on and on.
But ... i guess ... all is fine.
It's part of life.
Of my evolution.
I look ... absurd ... but i am not really ashamed of myself.
I can't.
I don't want it.
So ... all is ... the way it is.
I explain my thoughts ... my perceptions ... but also all i
feel ... as a process of self therapy ... but actually acting as confusing ... not necessarily being confused.
Which is somehow a paradox ... or even a nonsense ... but for sure ...part of life.
My life.