The State of Affairs
Rethinking Infidelity
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4.0 • 1 Rating
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- 10,99 €
Publisher Description
“Perel is a master at what she does.” —The New Yorker
“[Perel] knows the depth of your shame and the vibrancy of your lust.”- The New York Times
From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it.
An affair can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience—universally forbidden yet universally practiced—is poorly understood. Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? For a decade, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with cheating. In this illuminating book, she weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis to provide insights and answers to help couples survive and thrive.
Betrayal hurts, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. Affairs, Perel argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern relationships in its many variations.
“Esther Perel is widely recognized as the world’s leading expert on marriage.”- Sunday Times Style
“A fresh look at infidelity.” - Los Angeles Review of Books
“Perel—a whip-smart emotional savant who pierces through human defenses with the efficiency of a surgeon—is a wonder to behold.”- Huffington Post
“She doesn’t peddle in bromides or offer a shoulder to cry on—she’s too busy trying to shake you to your senses, insisting on your agency, your vitality, and your complicity in what happens in your marriage.” - The New York Times
“[The State of Affairs] explores a vast landscape of the adulterous terrain . . . in a way that’s deeply humane and never preachy.” - NPR
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
Adultery has been societal taboo for millennia. In this provocative, anecdote-stuffed book, celebrated couples therapist Esther Perel breaks down cheating into its fundamental parts in an effort to destigmatize the behavior—and help people who have lived through infidelity to heal and, eventually, better understand themselves. Perel’s sharp, wise prose and her talent for synthesizing tricky psychological concepts with stories drawn from her practice make The State of Affairs a lively read no matter where you fall on the relationship spectrum.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Longtime couples therapist Perel follows 2006's Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence with another provocative study of relationships. This time around she puts forth the controversial view that infidelity is ultimately beneficial to relationships, and she successfully explores the ways that affairs force partners to closely examine their attitudes about love, commitment, and sex. Make no mistake: Perel does not advocate infidelity. She dismisses the oft-used excuse that adultery is due to sex addiction and argues that emotional cheating is still cheating ("When it's no longer an exchange of kisses but an exchange of dick pics... when the secretive lunch has been replaced with a secret Facebook account, how are we to know what constitutes an affair?"). She sensibly makes the case that if the damage has already been done, it's imperative that the experience provide a way forward whether that is to stay married or to split up. She bolsters her arguments with real-life examples from both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. The book is sure to spark intelligent conversations that will have readers everywhere examining their belief systems. This is a thought-provoking take on relationships and essential reading for couples dealing with infidelity.
