Whiskey Soaked Panties

This book is not the Great American Novel. This book is not some epic fantasy. This is probably more the kind of book you read while using the restroom. Personally, I never understood the appeal of reading while marinating in your own filth, but who am I to judge. Buddies just kept trying to buy me dinner, drinks, and lap dances to get me to tell them stories about these ridiculous things that happened to me. But do you know how hard it is to tell a funny relationship story while getting a lap dance? It’s actually very hard! Your audience is distracted. The combination of whiskey, higher levels of oxygen, and spinning tassels put you in some sort of hypnotic trans which makes it almost impossible to focus on one tale. Then you wake up naked the next morning except your undershirt is around your ankle and you have no idea what happened. All you can remember is she was an angel and her name was Skittles — no wait — her name was Candy; Skittles were what she was wearing…