Do any of the following quotes sound like you?
“Why do concerns I bring up never seem to be resolved? Why do I feel like Charlie Brown, flat on his back from having the football snatched away? Why, when I bring up a concern, do I always end up justifying my existence or being the one to apologize? How do things seem to get turned around on me?”
“I feel like I walk on eggshells, and I’m scared of his reactions to grievances I express, so I keep them to myself.”
“I knew something was off for years but didn’t know what it was exactly. I knew that we were different - I would hear of other husbands supporting their wives in pursuing their dreams and be absolutely blown away. I would hear of husbands encouraging their wives to go out with friends and not be able to relate at all. I would hear of decisions being made mutually and not understand how that even looked.”
“I remember as a young wife thinking, ‘Is this normal? Does everyone feel this way? Maybe this is why old wives seem bitter?’ It wasn’t until year seven that I finally acknowledged something was wrong, and there wasn’t anything I could change to make it better. It was years 15 to 24 that I became unsure of reality and questioned my sanity.”
“He always apologizes after looking at porn or after blowing up at me or the kids. But nothing ever changes. And he gets mad if we don’t ‘forgive and forget.’”
“He was a mechanic by trade, yet I was afraid to tell him whenever the car was acting up or making a noise. He would tell me he didn’t want me putting miles on my car, so I would tell friends ‘no’ anytime they wanted me to come see them. I acted like a little kid afraid to ask permission to do stuff.”
“Nobody yells ‘Emergency! Call 911!’ or ‘Divorce!’ with all those tiny little ‘Hmmmm, that’s-a-bit-off?’ moments or maybe the ‘Ouch! He hurt me!’ scenes or the ‘What the heck was THAT all about?’ confusing moments that pile up over a period of years. All those tiny little pieces of the puzzle are things you just toss out with the trash because you’re too forgiving, too patient, too loving, too empathetic, too kind, too giving, too enamored with him - until you start to secretly collect them and put the real pieces of the puzzle (the truth) together and see a much clearer picture.”
One out of three married women sitting in an average conservative Christian church is in a confusing and painful marriage relationship. These women believe they are alone. I want them to know they aren't. They believe they can't find peace. I want them to know they can. They believe they don't have choices. I want them to know they do.