The Coffee Conundrum (Unabridged‪)‬

Synopsis: The Coffee Conundrum by Tim Battersby

Bernard Bixby isn’t asking for much—just a decent cup of coffee and a quiet morning without emotional turbulence or pants-related incidents. But when his coffee machine dies a tragic, gurgling death, Bernard is thrust into a caffeine-deprived spiral of existential dread, public embarrassment, and latte-fueled absurdity.

What starts as a simple quest for caffeine turns into a hilarious urban odyssey involving unicorn lattes, overly chipper baristas, and brief philosophical tangents about toaster therapy. As Bernard navigates crowded coffee shops and mind-numbing small talk, he becomes the unwitting hero of his own jittery epic—powered by equal parts desperation and espresso.

The Coffee Conundrum is a fast-paced, wildly funny monologue that blends observational comedy with heart. Perfect for fans of Robin Williams-style storytelling, it’s a love letter to coffee, chaos, and the universal madness of mornings.