A Cold New Year

The warmth of the sunshine feels good on my skin as I sit in the garden watching my family. Mom and Amber are sitting on the loungers, drinking iced tea and flicking through baby catalogues, spoiling Alexander even more. Dads firing up the barbecue and carefully placing the burgers and sausages on the grill.

I cant help but think how different this all could have been. I wouldnt be sitting here watching my little son sleep peacefully in his stroller, his little hands and face so sweet. He looks like Lucas. The fact that my son will never know his father hurts me. I think how could I love something so much yet still hold feelings of nothing for his dad. I do thank him though, thank him for giving Alexander to me. I may never be fully rid of the nightmares and there are still some scars remaining, but now at least I have him to help me through. Every time I look at his beautiful blue eyes, I melt. His mom will always be here for him. He stirs. I pull the stroller cover down a bit more.

A knock at the door brings me out of my thoughts. I take his stroller back into the house. A wave of smiling faces greets me as various family members are stood there.

After everyones inside, I stand back and watch them all dance, and they laugh and fawn over Alexander who is loving all the attention.

For the first time in a long time, I shed a tear of joy and I let it fall. My mom comes over, holding Alexander, and wipes away my tear, kisses me on forehead, and hands Alexander to me.

His blue eyes stare up at me, and I cant stop the smile that spreading across my face. Alexander smiles back.