Coffee Lovers Live Longer: a humorous take on coffee's surprising health benefits

A Surprising Discovery
Without ever giving any thought about how enjoying my daily coffee(s) might actually improve my health, imagine my astonishment when I came across some amazing claims pronouncing the startling benefits that may be gained from one of life’s great pleasures. As I delved a little deeper and with some further research, lo and behold, I unearthed an abundance of evidence declaring coffee to be the wonder drink of the ages with the gift of super powers for those who choose to imbibe it.

Coffee Popularity
A new coffee study seems to appear in the medical journals with remarkable regularity and this should not be surprising when we recognize that coffee is the largest globally traded commodity behind oil and consumed worldwide at the rate of over 400 billion cups every year.
It should not surprise then, that studies and research into the many facets of coffee and particularly its effects on health, proliferate like magic beans, and likewise we should not be entirely unaware that the desired outcomes should ultimately boil down to good news for the industry. Accordingly, with these circumstances in mind but momentarily suspended, we proceed.