Damned Lies‪!‬

Damned Lies is the true story of things that never happened. It is a fictional memoir of fantastic events. It is a chronicle of self-cloning, of adventure, of magic, of bare-fisted hobo boxing tournaments, of zombies, and more. It's the autobiography of a wild summer adventure out beyond the fields we know. It's the secret of what's hidden in a government bunker, it's the story of helping a nun with a crossbow hunt a vampire, it's the explanation of why you can't have that death ray you really wanted. It's a cautionary tale of just why cloning yourself is a really terrible idea.

Damned Lies is a big fish story for those who don't fish. It's a shaggy dog story for cat lovers. It's the scifi fantasy humor memoir we'll all wish we dictated on our deathbed. It's why we can't have nice things.

Damned Lies is just the first book in the Damned Lies series, a chronicle of fantastic adventures. It is followed by two sequels: Damned Lies Strike Back, the memoirs of the narrator's college years and his war with his homicidal clone's Lovecraftian cult, and Damned Lies of the Dead 3D, the memoir of Austin, Texas's zombie outbreak of 1995.