Going Home Again

My work study company then wants back the 10,000 shares of stock that they granted to me, as a sign on bonus.
I then furnish my work study company’s lawyer with 10,000 shares of work study company stock that I picked up for $377.50, after the total collapse of the company. I tell the lawyer, “This is a return of the 10,000 stock shares that I was furnished as a sign on bonus.”
The lawyer examines the shares and he’s outraged. “Your Honor, Mr. Axe was furnished with lettered stock, which he was not allowed to sell. Now, he is furnishing me with different, non lettered stock. Mr. Axe has somehow managed to sell said lettered stock, which sale is illegal.”
(I have managed to get myself declared as co-counsel, which outraged my actual lawyer. However, my status as co-counsel is now to come in very handy.)
My work study company’s lawyer, my real lawyer and I then meet in the Judge’s chambers.
The Judge states, “Mr. Axe, you have been charged with the illegal sale of lettered stock.”
I tell the Judge, “Your Honor, I state, under penalty of perjury, that I have never sold a single share of my former work study company’s stock.”
The Judge asks, “Mr. Axe, you did, at one time, have possession of said 10,000 shares of lettered stock?”
I reply, “Yes, Your Honor, I had possession of said 10,000 shares of lettered stock, which shares I received as a sign on bonus.”
The Judge asks, “Mr. Axe, you no longer have possession of said 10,000 shares of lettered stock?”
I reply, “Your Honor, I no longer have possession of said 10,000 shares of lettered stock. Nor have I had possession of said 10,000 shares of lettered stock, for nearly a year.”
The Judge asks, “Mr. Axe, what happened to the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock?”
I reply, “Your Honor, I sent the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock to my offshore stock broker, said stock broker being a citizen of and a resident of a foreign country.”
The Judge asks, “Mr. Axe, then what happened to the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock?”
I reply, “Your Honor, I sold what are called ‘call’ options for 10,000 shares of stock, in my former work study company. The share price of my former work study company then rose to a level where it would have been of economic gain for the holder of said call options to exercise said call options.”
The Judge says, “Mr. Axe, then your off shore broker sold the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock.”
I reply, “Your Honor, I have no direct knowledge of such a sale. However, the record of the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock disappeared from my stock account statement and a corresponding amount of cash then appeared in my stock account statement.”
The Judge states, “Then your off shore broker sold the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock.”
I reply, “Your Honor, I have no direct knowledge of such a sale. However, such a sale would be a normal business matter and I would expect that my offshore broker did indeed sell the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock.”
The Judge then states, “The laws that govern such things as stock transactions differ from country to country. It may be that your off shore broker’s sale of the said 10,000 shares of lettered stock was legal, under the laws of the offshore broker’s country.”
I reply, “Your Honor, I have no opinion as to the legality of what my offshore broker might have done.”
The work study company’s lawyer then states that the countries where these offshore brokers operate are mostly a den of thieves.”
I reply, “Your Honor, the opposing counsel is free to travel to the country where my offshore broker operates and confront them with his opinion of the running of their sovereign country. If the opposing counsel does make such a trip, I would strongly suggest that he purchase only a one way ticket.”