It Wasn't Me, Sir‪!‬

This book portrays in a manner best described as verbal slapstick the childhood and schooldays of Bernard Carter, set in and around a new post-war estate in Derby where during both day and night the street became the main playground.  Few people owned cars in the early fifties so there was little chance of getting run over and certainly more chance of having the seat of your trousers torn out by one or more mutinous dogs that roamed the area.

Schooldays passed ducking and diving flying chalk, airborne board rubbers, surrendering to the stinging ‘thwack’ of a cane and slaps across the head from both teachers and playground bullies. There was no escaping the trauma and misery of sports day, the mortifying experience of the Christmas nativity play, or the unforgettable ghastliness of a recorder concert, not to mention those horrifying visits to the dentist that left you wishing you had been born with false teeth. More agony was piled on with sweethearts, girlfriends, lost loves and those bewildering early bumbling and fumbling forays into the unknown territory of a girl’s anatomy!  Surely nothing could be worse than the rigours of childhood…could it?  


Born and educated in Derby, Bernard Carter left the area after gaining a Diploma in Creative Photography at the College of Art. After a short, but successful career in photography he became a self-taught Botanical Artist and Illustrator and still exhibits on behalf of the Royal Horticultural Society at their many shows.

Bernard has moved constantly around the UK and is well travelled having a particular love for the remoter parts of Australia. He has, over many years, contributed both articles and pictures to numerous magazines and is the author and illustrator of The Floral Birthday book and Remains of a Year. He presently lives in the Tamar valley in Devon.