Lead Astray

Gerald Floure's in one of the worst spots of his life as a Class A Intercontinental Jewel Thief. Rather, it's the spot he's above that's the problem. Landings at the bottoms of cliffs tend to get squishy. All he needs is a helping hand. That hand, however, belongs to someone who'd prefer to help themselves at his expense. Louisa Laloupe, hated enemy and leading lady of the night, steals his greatest treasure and leaves him hanging. Even though he doesn't know how it works, Gerald wants the Dualonic Device back, and self-replicating monsters, a trip to the pub, enforced sex slavery, demented torture-happy mayors and flesh-eating squirrels won't stop him.
He just prays that Louisa never tells anyone that his real name is Geraldine...
First in a trilogy.