Lipstick and Lies and Deadly Goodbyes
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4.3 • 10 Ratings
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- $6.99
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- $6.99
Publisher Description
Ever been almost-beheaded by a snow-plow? Turned into an undead by a homeless vampire? Cheated and betrayed by your lying sack of s**t husband? Welcome to my life… or, more correctly, my crazy after-life.
To everyone behind the gates of our wealthy community in Charming, Mississippi, my husband and I were the Joneses everyone tried to keep up with. A beautiful house, the perfect gated community, two gorgeous kids, and a supposedly flawless marriage.
Until I came home and caught him rolling around in our bed, hip-deep in my best friend.
Which led to the aforementioned snow plow incident. I woke up with a fear of the sun and a propensity for drinking blood. Or in laymen’s terms, a vampire.
I thought vampires were supposed to be hot and irresistible. But my Maker smells like he just stepped out of a sewer and he has the appeal of a turd in a punch bowl.
But you know how life is as one of the Joneses...gotta keep up. Keep up appearances, that is.
I’ve swapped my Triple, Venti, Sugar-Free, Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato for a stainless steel rambler that keeps my O-Negative at the perfect room temperature. I can still manage the carpool lane, with the right sunglasses to hide my crazy eyes. But between daytime soccer games, a missing college student who might have been a vampire kill, trying not to drain my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and keeping my neighbors in the dark, I’m shaking in my Jimmy Choos. I'm not sure I can do this.
My name is Rachel Jones, and I’m the vampire housewife.
Customer Reviews
House wife and vampire, a new cozy mystery
It’s Rachel’s husband’s birthday and she wants to surprise him. So she sends her kids off to a friend’s house for the weekend, creates a beautiful flower bed with the colours of his favourite team, spends the day at the spa and then wraps herself in only a big red bow. Well things don’t go off the way she expects it to, first the flower bead looks like a large penis, the she sneaks into the house only to find her best friend is in bed with her husband. So upset she runs out of the house in just the bow and ends up in the ditch. When she crawls out of the car dazed, she gets almost decapitated. Then she wakes up to find she is vampire. This is soooo Hatshepsut planned.
This is a numerous paranormal cozy mystery/romance. It is so different fro the other cozy vampire mysteries I have read. This book is unique and creative. It has amazing characters and it share of kookiness. While having to deal with becoming a vampire she also needs to deal with her husband’s betrayal, her kids and her emotional rollercoaster. This leads to a lot of awkwardness and humour. The storyline is filled with witty dialogue and suspense. I loved this book and can not wait until I get the next book in the series.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Original, Dark and Fun!
This is the first book in The Vampire Housewife Series, a paranormal story. The cover is beautiful. This is a great start to the series, and I loved it! Rachel's story is sets in the small community of Charming, Mississippi. Her story is darker than expected, fast-paced, with funny parts, and filled with twists and turns. OMG! Rachel's life is totally upside down, and keep up appearances in a gossip community isn't that simple! Her daughters are so cute! Her husband is a total jerk. And her maker isn't the handsome vampire expected. Not at All! Now, I can't wait for the next book in the Series, Merlot and Divorce and Deadly Remorse. In fact, I need all the books in the Series now!