Nautical Tortoise: Adrift in the Pacific from Panama to Polynesia

'Nautical Tortoise' is about my passage, aboard someone else's deeply flawed 38ft boat, from Caribbean Panama to the Marquesas Islands of French Polynesia. It's the second volume in a three-part series describing my snail's-pace efforts to sail from northern Norway to Australia. The series is entitled, optimistically, 'Å to Oz'.

It's the sequel to 'Sail's Pace', in which I progressed, infinitesimally slowly, from Norway to Panama. Neither volume could be described as a gripping, nail-biting adventure yarn. You will not come away from this book marvelling at the ability of the human spirit to survive against seemingly insurmountable odds. You're more likely to marvel at the author's ability to moan about everything.

The odds were, in fact, eminently surmountable. There's not a single shipwreck, cyclone or pirate attack. Though I sailed through the very waters which inspired Melville to write 'Moby Dick', there are no savage attacks by enraged sperm whales. Not even by mildly peeved porpoises or disgruntled dolphins.

You may, on the other hand, possibly gain some insight into the sort of idiots to be found floating around the world in wee boats. With a bit of luck you might think, 'bloody hell, if he can do it, anyone can'.

There are some good bits though, about the odd wildlife of the Galápagos and the stunning landscapes of the Marquesas. Tiny specks in the world's largest ocean which are themselves like whole continents in miniature.

There really is a free bottle of rum to be had, by the way. If you know where to look. Three bottles, in fact. But I wouldn't buy this book simply for the prospect of the free booze. Unless you're already in French Polynesia and at a loose end.