Plastic Hollywood

With the help of her gay sibling, Monty Mennemeyer, Andrea "Andie" crashes the party of aging Hollywood matinee idol, Darin Drake, in hopes of getting into show biz with her Elvis impersonation.  That is only the beginning of this comedy/satire, a raunchy romp that revolves around the themes of wanting to be a movie star, over-the-top plastic surgery, and the tangled relationships of numerous characters.  You will love Andie and her extraordinarily talented brother, Monty; Dr. Harrison Greenwood, with his rather extreme ideas about plastic surgery; Janice Cottenbell, his devoted nurse who was part of a pay-off in a malpractice suit; Darlene Damingford, the 4th or 5th (nobody can remember!) trophy wife of Hollywood mogul and studio head, Ralph Damingford; Nathan Naples, an actor who can only work in horror films since his last facelift; Inspector Red Herring who is trying to figure it all out, but cannot get a clue; as well as other crazy characters who are involved in murder, blackmail, highly illegal surgery techniques and other wacky and covert goings-on.


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Janice had never resented saving Harrison Greenwood's career – considering the man was a virtual god and a brilliant surgeon.  Yes, she had willingly allowed herself to be part of the pay off for the malpractice suit Nathan Naples had brought against the doctor.  Nathan Naples, however, Janice cursed every day.  Nathan was impatient, Janice could tell.  The elderly man wanted to get right down to business.  Janice's numb fingers moved to the buttons on her stiffly starched nurse's uniform.  One by one she began undoing them, while Nathan's small, beady eyes watched greedily and he licked his lips and rubbed his boney fingers together in anticipation.  When at last a ripely plump Janice was completely nude, Nathan instructed her to lie down in the center of the bed.  Taking a deep breath to help her get through what was ahead for her, Janice complied.  Nathan rose and quickly disrobed, and then with a shriek of delight, he leaped up from the floor and launched himself through the air towards Janice and the bed.


******


Darlene had parked her blue Caddy discreetly down the street after seeing Janice Cottonbell turn in at the driveway of Nathan Naples' home.  What in the world was Janice doing here?  Darlene could feel her sensors jangling like tiny alarm bells, the way they always did when she was on the trail of something juicy.  Her surgically altered nose actually twitched as if she were picking up the scent, as she got out of the car and scurried along the side of the property.  Those workouts with her personal trainer were paying dividends big time, Darlene thought, as she easily clambered over the wall surrounding Nathan's property.


From the dim light that gleamed from a window, Darlene quickly deduced where the 'action' was – in the north side tower room.  She scanned the premises, her sharp eyes not missing a thing.


"Yes!"  A sturdy trellis was conveniently right where she needed it.  Slipping off her spike heels and nylons in order to get a better grip with her long, almost prehensile toes, Darlene took to the trellis like a monkey going up a palm tree.


What had happened?  The action in the tower room had just been getting good when Darlene had heard an awful creaking sound.  It had kept getting louder and louder, and then suddenly the gutter had torn loose from the eaves, and with it – Darlene.  She had found herself flying through the air towards the lawn below.  

She started to get back up, and realized she couldn't move.  She opened her mouth to yell, and discovered she had no voice either.  The only thing that still seemed to be working was her right hand and arm.