Putting the Gay Back into Gay

Being gay isn’t as easy as it looks.

There’s a lot to being gay, it’s not just about having sex with someone of the same gender, although that is of course quite a big part of it.  To be a good gay man there are lots of things that are different, and it can take a lifetime to work it all out, but this book will hopefully help you through some of these often odd distinctions that, if you don’t know about them in advance, can create a gulf between you and the rest of the gay community.

This book is written, not as a complete manual on how to be gay, and certainly not to prescribe the only way to be gay, but as a fun look at some tips on how gays act and how to be happy with your gay life.  I’ve written it primarily for men who have recently come out and so need some initial guidance on some key topics that you won’t find elsewhere; sex, drugs, internet websites etc.

The scientific community can’t decide whether we’re born gay or choose to be that way, and I’m not going to get into that.  The fact is; you are gay, for whatever reason, and someone needs to tell you about the little things that you can’t learn from your mates at school, unless you were lucky enough to have gone to an all-gay school, in which case you’ll already know all of this and will no doubt already be making comments in the margins and drawing erotic pictures in the back cover before returning it to the library.

Even within the gay community there are lots of different types of gay man; the bear, the leather queen, the tranny, the bar fly, the gym bunny etc, however there are some things that are common to all of us - we all like men for one thing, and that commonality draws us together truly into a community in a way that our straight friends will never have.  Although some of those straight friends are extremely cool and do come out to gay bars with us, they’re still on the periphery of the community, and whilst we love them dearly and enjoy the fact that they love us back, there are still some things that are ‘just for us’.

Deciding to be an out gay man is a life changing experience, whether it was a surprise for you and you suddenly realized that those stirrings you had for the guys in the shower weren’t quite what you thought they were, or if it’s something that has been in your mind for some time, coming out and being openly gay is always difficult and you should be applauded for it, however it happened.  Well done on taking control of your life, and welcome to a gayer and happier time.

The word ‘gay’ used to mean ‘happy’, and I still like to use it inter-changeably.  I think it’s wonderful that one of the primary labels I give myself means both things, and for me I truly mean it both ways.

It should be remembered that there are many many ways to be gay, and you need to find your own path.  Hopefully some of these tips will start you on your road to finding that path, and that when you do find your own way you will be happy and fulfilled.  If and when you do find that place don’t hesitate to pass on words of wisdom to those who come after you.  Only with mentorship and kindness can we have a continual community.