Sex Beyond "Yes"
Pleasure and Agency for Everyone
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- $16.99
Publisher Description
Philosopher Quill R Kukla questions traditional notions of consent in this honest, humanistic reimagining of what it means to have pleasurable, ethical, and respectful sex.
Every discussion of sexual ethics revolves around consent, but is this notion enough to help us understand good sex? How does the dominance of consent help or prevent us from negotiating the complexities of intimacy and pleasure?
Georgetown professor Quill R Kukla argues that the idea that consent is the gatekeeper between the realms of good and bad sex does not give us the tools we need to navigate pleasure and intimacy. They claim that traditional discussions of consent make no room for the reality that we can have good sex even though we may get drunk or high, or become forgetful with age, or be limited by social pressures and power relationships
Kukla explores the ambiguous realms in which sexual agency requires much more than the ability to just say “yes” or “no” to sex. They confront moments of discomfort: How does consent work for people with dementia, a condition that is also associated with increased libido? Or in sex work, where sexual contracts challenge our traditional conceptions of ethical sex? How can we express our agency when exploring new kinks, where our hesitations and ambivalence are part of the thrill? Or even in everyday sex—where partners inevitably differ in enthusiasm, power dynamics, and experience?
Combining rigorous research and universal lessons that apply both in and out of the bedroom, Kukla approaches the concepts of sexual agency, sexual pleasure, and consent with unapologetic verve. Challenging readers to think beyond reductive concepts of consent, gender, and freedom, Sex Beyond “Yes” reframes the communication and social support we need to establish sexual relationships founded on genuine respect, open discourse, and unhindered joy.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Kukla (City Living), a philosophy professor at Georgetown University, provides an astute reassessment of what empowered sex means in an imperfect world. They acknowledge that because life is inherently messy, people end up having sex under less-than-optimal conditions, whether they're tipsy or subject to a power imbalance (which are inherent, Kukla notes, in every heterosexual sexual encounter in a patriarchal society). For that reason, public messaging about sex that "relies on a myth of an ideal autonomous self" is misguided; instead, people can rely on social, cultural, or interpersonal "scaffoldings" to support their agency in sexual encounters. Individually, that can mean negotiating safe words at the outset or having a ride home from a party, while social scaffoldings include good sex education, medical institutions that offer contraception, and policies that facilitate effective reporting of sexual violence. Elsewhere, Kukla pays particular attention to the language used to negotiate sexual encounters, suggesting that instead of simply requesting consent, partners can "invite one another to do things, suggest sexy ideas, warn our partner about our triggers, ask about a partner's preferences." Such points link to the author's perceptive critiques of a binary consent culture in which good sex is made to be more about avoiding harm than experiencing pleasure. Well-reasoned and complex, it's a vital addition to an important cultural conversation.
