The Hand of Providence

(Oviedo, Florida - June, 2005)
I have a few stories to tell, and I am determined that it is finally time to tell them. All the burdens of everyday life are in my rearview mirror. My professional career has been completed, my child is grown and gone, and my IRA finally contains enough zeros, hopefully, to carry me through to the end: Its time to get on with it.
But how to begin? I suppose I could take a cue from that old tennis shoe commercial and just do it"; just sit down and start banging away. Thats the way guys like James Joyce and Jack Kerouac did it and look where they are today. (Well, O.K., technically theyre dead, but theyre still earning big bucks for somebody!)
So, in order to tackle an enterprise of this magnitude I have devised a plan. I will take the old "go with what you know" approach. Which brings me to a second question: Just what do I know?
Ive been walking around on this old earth for some six decades now; a fact which, of itself, must count for something. In all that time I must have accumulated some knowledge, some experience, and, hopefully, a bit of wisdom. So Ill just run with that.
Which brings me to question number three: What form should my book take? Or, more specifically, in what literary genre should it be written?
I have decided to take a coldly analytical approach to the question by compiling a list (Below) of some popular literary genres (Column A.) and then listing my reasons (Column B.) to write, or not to write, my book using one of the genres listed in (Column A.)

Column A. Column B.
Genres Pros/cons

Economics Cant get checkbook to balance
Art Cant draw a straight line
Murder Mystery Never killed anybody
Cookbook Always burn the toast
Childrens Book Cant remember that far back
Bodice Ripper Never ripped one
Travel Guide Wont ask for directions
How To Dont know how to anything
Music Tone deaf
Animals Allergies
Sci Fi Never been abducted
Poetry Cant rhyme

As we can plainly see, the old scientific method" didnt serve me very well. Now I am back to square one, or rather, back to question number three. Since it was apparent that I dont possess a great deal of knowledge, then it must be time to move on to the question of experience. Ive had a bunch of that! So I will write the thing in the form of a memoir, and make it a very personal memoir to boot!
It will take courage. After all, dear reader, Ive spent a lifetime carefully crafting a persona designed, in part, to keep the world at bay. If I show my true side to the world, the side that I have always kept hidden way down at the bottom of my psychic and spiritual sock drawer, if I lay bare my very soul, you might call me a nutcase or rip me to shreds.


(Oviedo, Florida - December, 2007)

I have bitten the bullet and put it all out there. My hot little MS is on its way to my highly regarded and very reasonably priced P.O.D. publisher. (Snagged the half-off Christmas special deal).
From my prejudiced point of view, its no War and Peace, but its not a bad read. Ive included a few stories about my travels, talked a bit about the nature of writing, taken a brief swipe at poetry, mentioned a few things about my real career, recounted a few painful experiences, and preached a couple of lightweight sermons.
A note to parents: This book may be classified as kid friendly". It contains only a couple of hells" and damns" here and there and only when required for dramatic emphasis. You will find no passages describing acts of lurid, explicit, or deviant sexual behavior. (I only write what I know). Please overlook the numerous errors of punctuation, spelling, and syntax. (Im too cheap to pay extra for copyediting).
And so, I offer you t