The Handbook For Closet Conservatives

If you feel like barfing every time you read about him marrying him or think we should abolish busing now that many of our schools are war zones, but are afraid to say it in the liberal world we live in—don’t. Don’t say anything until you hear what Leften Wright has to say. He tells you what to say and not say, what to do and not do, and have a good time while doing or not doing it.

A little humor is a deadly thing to liberals. Global warming is a religion. School vouchers are a greater threat than terrorism. They see racism everywhere. Fracking is Frankensteinian. Anything good for America is bad. Wright shares his strategies with you on how to make your way through that world, and have a great time while doing it.

He suggests profiting like Al “Jazeera” Gore from the unwinnable fight against climate change and sneaking plastic bottles into your liberal neighbors’ paper-only bin in the dead of night.

It would be prudent to slip this book into that jacket your child made at preschool. If you are reading it on a tablet, be prepared to press the “Bats Endangered” button if you sense someone peeking.