The Irritation

Well ‘whoopy doo!’ Here’s another little Quick Flash story. Again it’s in A and B mind movie form. The B part which is first (logic), tells another little part of a writer’s life i.e. usually about handling the huge amounts of money which comes to writers from their armies of adoring fans. Writers you see are traditionally believed to be so broke that when they buy a box of matches to light the candle to heat up the economy beans they double use the matches, which means they get a piece of string, tie it in bow and arrow fashion to one stick and then use that one to spin the other one usually on one of those joss stick burners. Tissues can be used as kindling when the friction produced is furnace hot, but as tissues are expensive, the writer can use nasal hairs or head hairs or even ear hairs if the writer is a middle aged man or his dad or Granddad has fallen asleep by the fire (they always have mega hairy ears). That’s why Ray Mears and Bear Grylls have no ear hair. Women writers are lucky because women have soft downy hair on their arms and can shave that off with their rusty razor blade and use that. When the friction match has worn down to about one centimetre or down to a safe to strike distance between finger and combustible end bit ... then it can be used normally. Match manufacturers hate writers. But that’s not true, I made it up ... writers are stinking rich and have several Aga stoves each signed by Aga herself and three or four hi tech gas lighter things with jewels encrusted in them.
The A movie is about a man with a ... I can’t tell you that. You can though take heed from it and avoid doing what he did (or does), because the result isn’t very nice. He has been through a terrible irritation barrier to help ‘you’ avoid it. How self- sacrificing is that?
Then someone says ‘won’t writing about how rich writers are get up people’s noses?’
I can only reply ‘not if they have decent nasal hair growth.’