The Velvet Rage
Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
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4.4 • 19 Ratings
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- $15.99
Publisher Description
In this moving guide, a gay man shares his personal journey of letting go of shame and moving forward with self-compassion and healing.
Even though an entire generation of men have openly and freely come out of the closet, gay men still struggle with self-acceptance. Sexually transmitted diseases, depression, and suicide occur more frequently for gay men than straight men. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Through brave individual stories and compassionate analysis, The Velvet Rage explores how shame is insidious, and can be traced back to childhood feelings of “otherness”. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, Alan Downs offers a path to emotional well-being and an end to self-defeating behavior.
Velvet Rage is an empowering book you'll wish you read long ago. It’s not too late to begin the healing process.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
With a title that plays on Janet Jackson's epochal 1997 LP The Velvet Rope, and its anatomy of unmet desire, therapist Downs's book describes the paradigmatic ways in which early childhood molds the future lives of gay men: scorned on the playground, disrespected by Dad, loved only by Mom until their first sex with men. Through this mechanism of rejection, gay men feel unlovable, correspondingly angry and, he says, driven to heights of creativity and "fabulousness" in addition to shopping addiction and obsessions with fat, muscle and penis size in a bid to distract themselves from their inner shame. For Downs, the only thing that will bring an end to this spiral of torment is, finally, "validation," which produces "authenticity." Downs is an engaging writer, though prone to repeating the same few points in different words, while his patients, quoted in sidebars, often make witty quips that rival Quentin Crisp for dry, bitter sarcasm. While many gay readers will fail to recognize themselves here, others will find Downs's logic warming and even generous.
Customer Reviews
Insightful
Amazing book. I feel like it’s a good read at many points in life.
A book every gay man should read!
This was an insightful, and revealing look into blind spots I didn’t recognize I had that has influenced my life and decisions for the better part of my life. There is so much validation I’ve been seeking from the outside for most of my life that I didn’t understand was related to feelings of being flawed stemming from my first memories of how I’m supposed to show up and be in life. I think every gay man should read this to gain some insight into learning to be your most authentic self.
Wrong Age Bracket
The Velvet Rage is quite clearly aimed at Boomer and GenX-ers, and wealthy priviledged ones, at that.
As a gay man of the Millennial generation, I found it very difficult to relate to the ideas in this book. May be the second edition, but I don’t feel even this revised version has dated particularly well. Millennial and GenZ gay/queer men have a very different background and coming out journey I feel.