When Divorce Is Mercy

Marriages are meant to last. So when a marriage is devastated by betrayal, abandonment, or abuse, painful questions follow: What does faithfulness look like now? Must I stay? Am I free to leave?

Offering biblical wisdom to suffering spouses—and the pastors, counselors, and friends who walk beside them—Michael Gembola and Darby Strickland lay out a process of discernment for complex situations of infidelity and desertion. As readers consider the teaching of Scripture, assess the impact of the offenses, and look for repentance and change, Gembola and Strickland encourage them to trust God’s compassionate leading for each faithful step.

Endorsements

“Having mediated over six hundred divorces, I know the confusion and pain people experience when their marriages are dying, which is why I strongly endorse this book. Michael and Darby rigorously evaluate the theological and relational issues surrounding divorce and provide practical and compassionate guidance on how people can navigate these issues with wisdom, courage and a clear conscience.”

—Ken Sande, Author, The Peacemaker

“Michael Gembola and Darby Strickland have given the church a great gift with When Divorce Is Mercy. This is a biblically rooted, pastorally wise, theologically sound, and legally informed work that is exactly what church officers and leaders need to navigate the stormy waters through which those we love and serve must sometimes tragically pass. I wish I'd had it decades ago.”

—David Cassidy, Senior Pastor, Spanish River Church (PCA), Boca Raton, Florida; Author

“We all wish this book wasn't needed. But we know it is, and few have had the courage to address this subject so directly. I applaud Darby and Michael for addressing a subject on which, for too long, God’s people have been silent even when God’s Word is not. Allow When Divorce Is Mercy to challenge you. This is not a book that minimizes the covenant of marriage or treats divorce casually. Rather, it refuses the opposite temptation—to become more biblical than the Bible.”

—Brad Hambrick, Pastor of Counseling, The Summit Church; Author, Making Sense of Forgiveness

“As a pastor, I have seen how marriages devastated by betrayal, abuse, or abandonment can raise some of the hardest questions Christians ever face. Michael Gembola and Darby Strickland bring to those questions careful biblical reflection, wise counsel, and deep compassion. With a high view of marriage and a refreshing confidence in the ministry of the local church, they navigate difficult questions—questions on which faithful Christians may sometimes differ—with both conviction and mercy. This is a thoughtful, gracious, and profoundly helpful resource for walking faithfully with those who suffer.”

—Mark Sallade, Senior Pastor, Calvary (OPC), Glenside, Pennsylvania

“When Divorce Is Mercy is the book I have been waiting for. It treats covenant-breaking with the seriousness Scripture gives it, without losing sight of the person who has suffered beneath it. Shepherds, this is a thoughtful, biblically grounded way to walk alongside people in some of their hardest seasons. I am happy to recommend this book to pastors, counselors, and church leaders who are looking for wisdom they can actually use.”

—Chris Moles: Author, The Heart of Domestic Abuse

“If you are experiencing the pain of an unwanted divorce or facing the difficult choice to end your marriage, this book is a gift of mercy. Over the past thirty years, I have known many who carried deep guilt after divorce, even when reconciliation was impossible. I have seen how lasting these wounds can be. What I appreciate most about this book is its compassion toward people in these difficult situations. The authors truly understand the complexity of divorce and its lasting effects on adults and children, offering practical advice and gentle wisdom throughout. The chapter on children is especially valuable. It provides guidance for parents who want to support their children through this difficult period. Few resources address the trauma children face in divorce, and this chapter stands out as a beacon of hope. If you feel uncertain or lost, I believe this book will help you move forward in a way that honors God, remains true to Scripture, and cares for everyone involved.”

—Joy Forrest, Founder, Called to Peace Ministries; Author, The Called to Peace Workbook

“This is perhaps one of the most significant shepherding resources produced in years. Divorce is a complex and thorny issue, and Strickland and Gembola leave few stones unturned. They carefully examine the primary biblical texts, draw out the ethical principles that should guide our thinking, and offer wise and practical application for those walking through broken relationships. Yet, for all its thoroughness, this book remains remarkably accessible. It is biblically grounded, pastorally sensitive, and immensely practical. Whether you are new to the subject or have spent years caring for people in difficult marriages, you will benefit from this book. It fills an important gap in the current literature and should be a must-read for pastors, counselors, and anyone who seeks to care wisely for those facing the painful realities of divorce.”

—David & Krista Dunham, Authors, Power with Purpose; Counselors, Sparrow & Heart Soul Care

“If you or someone you love is facing the painful question of whether a marriage should end, When Divorce Is Mercy is the first book I would recommend. Biblically faithful, wise, and compassionate, it offers clarity on some of the most difficult issues surrounding abuse, adultery, abandonment, separation, and divorce. As one who has been through an unwanted divorce, I wish I’d had this book during the months I spent wrestling with my own questions. It will be invaluable not only to hurting spouses but to pastors, church leaders, counselors, and friends seeking to respond with both truth and compassion. Highly recommended!”

—Vaneetha Rendall Risner, Author, This Was Never the Plan

“As a biblical counselor, I deeply appreciate the authors’ commitment to protecting both the sanctity of marriage and the dignity of those who have experienced covenant betrayal. They refuse to minimize sin, excuse abuse, or rush hurting people toward either reconciliation or divorce. Instead, they help readers discern patterns of unrepentant sin, recognize genuine repentance, pursue wise safety, and involve the church in ways that reflect Christ’s care for the vulnerable. Their emphasis on mercy is never separated from truth, and their commitment to truth is marked by compassion.

This is more than a book about divorce. It is a book about God’s covenant faithfulness amid human brokenness. Pastors, biblical counselors, church leaders, and those walking through marital betrayal will find biblical clarity without condemnation and hope without false promises. I wholeheartedly recommend When Divorce Is Mercy as an essential resource for churches committed to caring wisely for suffering spouses while honoring God’s design for marriage.”

—Shannon Kay McCoy, Certified Biblical Counselor; Author; Speaker

“Darby Strickland and Michael Gembola have made a significant contribution to a delicate topic that impacts many people. Staying rooted in Scripture, they explain various Christian views on marriage and divorce and wisely seek to help us discern a biblically faithful path when marriages come apart. While the reader might not agree with every conclusion the authors come to, their deep concern for the people behind these difficult questions is unmistakable.”

—Jonathan D. Holmes, Executive Director, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation

“This book maintains both a high view of the marriage covenant and a clear view of the complexities of marital breakdown. Gembola and Strickland show that honoring the weight of vows made before God also requires us to reckon honestly with what happens when those vows are broken. For those caught between the hope of what their marriage might be and the painful reality of what it is, When Divorce Is Mercy offers thoughtful guidance amid profound uncertainty.”

—Christine M. Chappell, Author, Lament

“This is the book I wish I had at the start of my ministry thirty years ago. For pastors, ministry leaders, and friends who want to walk alongside people with wise care, this book truly guides the reader in finding biblical answers to questions we never wanted—but needed—to ask.”

—Dan Ledford, Senior Pastor, Cornerstone Presbyterian Church, Center Valley, Pennsylvania

“This book couldn’t have come at a better time. While Western culture at large continues to find new ways to undermine marriage, the present polarization of the church makes it harder than ever to identify trustworthy guidance for Christians in difficult marriages and their church leaders. Combining exegetical care and biblical conviction with godly compassion—and many examples—Gembola and Strickland have set the standard for a practical, accessible resource that will enable those considering divorce, and those who care for them, to understand what mercy means when facing one of life’s most difficult decisions.”

—Eric L. Johnson, Director of Training, Christian Psychology Institute

“Divorce is a difficult and pastorally complicated reality. It often surprises local churches that must suddenly navigate relationally sticky situations. Michael Gemobla and Darby Strickland provide the wisdom that pastors and churches need as they respond pastorally to this topic. I particularly appreciate their commitment to the Scriptures, and they also draw from the wisdom of Church Fathers, Reformers, Puritans, and contemporary voices. The result is a thoughtful and deeply practical guide that helps believers think biblically and critically about divorce without losing sight of the people behind the tough questions. I wish I had been given this book right after being ordained to gospel ministry.”

—Douglas Tharp, Senior Pastor, Mercy Presbyterian Church, Dallas