When Good Men Behave Badly
Change Your Behavior, Change Your Relationship
-
-
5.0 • 1 Rating
-
-
- $13.99
-
- $13.99
Publisher Description
This is the only book written specifically for men in a language that is respectful to men, about how to deal better with the most important relationships in their lives. It provides real tools for men who have trouble dealing with the emotional demands of relationships and those affected by them.
The premise of this book is that good, well-intentioned men can, in times of stress and emotional conflict, act in destructive ways that don't reflect their true character. From a humanistic and empathetic perspective, this book explores the latest research about male psychological development to create a new, compassionate narrative for the struggles men face. Learn to recognize and label your internal states. Find out why displays of not-so-masculine emotions are so difficult to deal with, and why they can provoke episodes of problematic behavior. Explore the father-son relationship and the reality of male peer relations; see why these patterned interactions can reinforce bad behavior from generation to generation. Structured exercises and strategies help transfer the concepts of the book into daily experience.
David B. Wexler, Ph.D., is the founder and executive director of the Relationship Training Institute, an organization designed to help couples and especially men who are having problems in relationships.
His previous work includesThe Adolescent Self andThe PRISM Workbook.
Visit the author at his Web site: www.rtiprojects.com.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
This insightful book offers a user-friendly look at how a "good man" "a man with fundamentally positive values who cares about his kids and his partner" can often display bad behavior, including everything from sarcasm or criticism to nastiness, coldness and other kinds of destructive emotional withdrawal. Wexler, executive director of the Relationship Training Institute in San Diego, roots his analysis in the self-psychology theory of the "mirroring selfobject," the idea that all children in their development need "validation and acknowledgement from parental figures" who mirror back to them a sense of competence and appreciation. The bulk of the book wonderfully describes the ways that many men, as adults, "are always looking to some outside source of approval or recognition" as a way to resolve feelings of shame caused by an arrested internal sense of confidence and competence. The book's success also hinges on two further analytical strategies by Wexler. First, while he gives a convincing look at how a man's "reliance on women for validation" can lead to feeling emotionally out of control, Wexler never descends to placing any sort of sexist blame on moms or wives; he makes it clear that the power that women seem to have over men "is not a power that women have signed up for in the relationship contract" and that female children are equally harmed by the lack of a mirroring self-object. Second, Wexler provides numerous concrete examples of how men can identify and understand the emotional states that trigger relationship problems, as well as many ways that fathers can help establish a son's home life as "a shame-free zone."
