CURRY & RICE ON FORTY PLATES BY GEORGE FRANCKLIN ATKINSON

"WHAT varied opinions we constantly hear



Of our rich Oriental possessions;



What a junble of notions, distorted and queer,



Form an Englishman's “Indian impressions!”



First a sun, fierce and glaring, that scorches and bakes;



Palankeens, perspiration, and worry;



Diosquitoes, thugs, cocoa-nuts, Brahmins, and suakes,



With elephants, tigers, and Curry.



Then Juggernât, punkahs, tanks, buffaloes, forts,



With bangles, mosques, nautclies,



And dbingces; A mixture of temples, Mahometans, ghâts,



With scorpions, Hindoos, and Feringhees.



Then jungles, fakeers, dancing-girls, prickly heat,



Shawls, idols, durbars, brandy-pawny;



Rupees, clever jugglers, dust-storms, slipper'd feet,



Rainy season, and mulligatawny.



Hot winds, holy monkeys, tall minarets, Rice,



With crocodiles, ryots or fariners;



Himalayas, fat baboos, with paunches and pice,



So airily clad in pyjamas.



With Rajahs— But stop, I must really desist,



And let cach one enjoy liis opinions,



Whilst I show in what stylc Anglo-Indians exist



In her Majesty's Eastern dominions.



B



EFORE You can be landed on the sunny shores of Ind, a tedious voyage must be overcome; so, in like manner, before you are transported into the scenes depicted in the following pages, a preliminary voyage, in the way of a Preface, has to be encountered. Allow me, then, to improve the occasion by a few sober words of exhortation, that I may dissipate at once and for ever some of those fallacious opinions and crude notions that you persist in entertaining regarding that land called ""India.""



Allow me, first, to impress upon you this geographical fact, that India is about the size of all Europe; and, moreover, that the British possessions are subdivided into distinct governments, each a kingdom in itself; and that Bengal, Madras, and Bombay are as different and far more disconnected than are England, Ireland, and Scotland; so that that eccentric idea, that floats so persistently in your imagination, of jumping to the conclusion that because dear Charley is going to India, he must infallibly meet dear Willy, who is already there, is slightly illogical ; for dear Willy, if I mistake not, belongs to the Bengal Presidency, and is stationed at the very North-west boundary of the empire, at the foot of the Himalayas, close to Cashmere; while dear Charley is bound for Madras, and you may probably liear from him at Cape Comorin, when there will be only the trifling intervening distance of some 2,000 miles between them.



You might equally well hope that your travelling cousin Alex, who is going to fish in Norway, must be sure to see your dear cousin Maria, who is scrambling about the ruins of the Parthenon; or that because the aforesaid migratory Ales is going to St. Petersburg, he will need a letter of introduction to General Friskhimoff, the Military Governor of Eastern Siberia.



Secondly,let me remind you that, while there are numerous races with a different creed, caste, and language, so there are customs and manners peculiar to each: and this variety is not confined to the natives; for the habits and customs of social life among the English in India likewise present their petty diversities; and the “Qui Hye” of Bengal, the “Mull” of Madras, and the Duck"" of Bombay, adhere to and defend their own customs with jealous warmth of feeling; so that in the following pages, it must be explained, the scenes are drawn to exhibit the customs of society on the Bengal side, as it was necessary throughout to adhere to some one character of people among whom the English vere located; but they are such as are common to the whole of India, judging from personal experience in the three Presidencies. And this brings me to the last point upon which I would wish to say a few words.



Among mankind, the perfect individual affords vo scope for the exercise of humour. Perfection has nothing comic in it whatsoever; and it is only as perfection is deviated from that the victim becomes the object of wit or a shaft for ridic