Farewell My Ugly: Sex, Violence & Not so Safe Spaces

Mick and Jim are two incompetent, Soho-based, corporate video producers, operating at the bottom of a barrel that no one wants to scrape. They drink too much, don’t earn enough and get too many death threats.

Our heroes are on a routine are on a shoot, when they discover a dead body in a packing case. They are interviewed by Scotland Yard's most repulsive rozzer, DCI Cragg, who tells them they are prime suspects. However, he offers them a way out, providing they act as his 'eyes ears and nostrils' in a mysterious euro-case.

They end up vaguely tracking down un-specified criminality in Geneva, Amsterdam, Hull, the Greek island of Santorini, and a fairy tale castle in Germany. Directions are provided by a stream of weird emails from Cragg, written in the style of Sherlock Holmes, William Wordsworth and the 1940's private eye, Philip Marlowe.

Communication isn't helped by Jim's inability to use his new smartphone. When sending urgent messages, he's often treated to videos showing how remove a bull's testicles or get chip fat off a chandelier.

Still, the adventure involves getting hit by 100 gallons of water a second, dealing with kebab-stained military secrets, in-cell explosions, playing poker for bits of concrete, being stuck on a bus with four anally incontinent goats, and enduring the lust of Lozania, the Songstress of Santorini, all while being tracked by Otto, the bowler-hatted assassin.

The final showdown involves Mick and Jim's ex-wives, an Otto look-a-like, a helicopter rescue and a charabanc full of SAS-trained cops toting Heckler & Koch submachine guns.

In the end, Mick and Jim are left pondering how much of their ordeal was due to their innate incompetence and how much of it was just one giant confidence trick.