Leaving the OCD Circus

A true story of taming OCD: “Her description of her escalating illness is irreverent, brutally honest, and compelling [and] her successes are inspiring.” —Booklist

It’s like the meanest, wildest monkey running around my head, constantly looking for ways to bite me. That was how Kirsten Pagacz described her OCD to her therapist in their first session when she was well into her thirties. She’d been following orders from this mean taskmaster for twenty years, without understanding why.

The tapping, counting, cleaning, and ordering brought her comfort and structure, two things lacking in her family life. But it never lasted. The loathsome self-talk only intensified, and the rituals she had to perform got more bizarre. By high school, she was anorexic and a substance abuser—common “shadow syndromes” of OCD. By adulthood, she could barely hide her problems and held on to jobs and friends through sheer grit. Help finally came in the form of a miraculously well-timed public service announcement about OCD—at last, her illness had an identity.

After finally learning how to conquer her OCD, Pagacz shares her story—from her traumatic childhood to the escalation of her disorder to her triumph over it—along with knowledge and insight about such techniques as meditation, yoga, cognitive-behavioral therapy, medication, and exposure therapy, to help others leave the OCD circus and live a better life.