100 Funny Quotes Part 2: Laugh-Out-Loud With The Funniest, Silliest, Dumbest Jokes, Riddles, Quotes, Terrible Wise Cracks

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"I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating." ~ Mark Twain

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone." ~ Elayne Boosler

There's no sauce in the world like hunger." ~ Miguel de Cervantes

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." ~ Laurence J. Peter

"I think I am, therefore, I am... I think." ~ George Carlin

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?" ~ Barbra Streisand

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." ~ Steven Wright

"Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers." ~ George Carlin

"Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it." ~ George Carlin

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