A life ... without excel sheets

Imagine a life where everything is totally different than into the now.
Imagine you are already prepared to spend any amount of time, energy or money ... without any drop of fear into your soul.
Playing all in.
Somehow seeing all as a poker game ... but always being
sure that you will win.
Unfortunately ... reality itself ... the one from today ... is
different.
And ... it's not that you're greedy or idiot ... but something stops you from acting the way you should act ... because ...
I personally ... haven't understood yet ... why ... I've tried.
Still try ... but ...
Well ... something stops me.
I still have the mathematical way of thinking ... calculating all ... and ...
It's like i keep my records to everything ... counting all the time how much time, energy or money i am investing ... even if realistically speaking ... i actually know it's stupid.