Left Out: What to do if You're Left Behind or Left Below

Tim LaHaye called it “Left Behind.” Homer Simpson called it “Left Below.” We’re calling it “Left Out: What to do if You’re Left Behind or Left Below.” The Rapture: that auspicious moment when Fundamentalists everywhere are raptured into Heaven.

Left Out is the story of twin brothers, David and Benjamin Bragg. Benjamin believes that all paths to God are sacred, and David believes that the only way to get to Heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your Personal Savior, renounce your affiliation with the Democratic Party, and declare war on anyone who would take ‘Christ’ out of Christmas.

The day comes when nearly a billion people disappear from the Earth, most from the United States South. ‘Left Behind’ are Atheists, Liberals, Democrats, Humanists, Feminists and Catholics (Catholics don’t believe in The Rapture), and Benjamin Bragg.

On that day, Benjamin makes a discovery: those who oppose healing the environment—are gone. Those who oppose doing away with murder as a deterrent to murder—are gone. In fact, those who have stood in opposition to progress every step of Earth’s evolution—are gone.

Meanwhile, in Heaven, things don’t go as expected. Despite the splendor, David and the others make a gruesome discovery. They’re forced vegetarians (because they can’t kill anything)— there are no more ideological enemies (because there are no Democrats there), and they don’t like each other, but they’re stuck with each other—forever and ever—hallelujah—hallelujah!