Men Are Sluts: For the Man That Wants to Know How and the Woman the Wants to Know Why

Men Are Sluts
by Spanky (Award-Winning Stand-Up Comic)

Ch. 1 - In Men's Diaries “Pork” Is A Verb
This section is about the overactive male libido.
I’m not sure what a woman wants in a man, but I know what a man wants in a woman...his penis.

Ch. 2 – Men Are Sluts, But Don’t Just Take My Word For It
This section is a collection of quotes confirming that men are, indeed, sluts.

Ch. 3 - Confessions of a Cad
This section contains tips, both honorable and otherwise, to aid a man in his quest for sexual seduction.
I’ve been fortunate enough to discover some very basic guidelines to romancing a woman’s socks off (among other things).

Ch. 4 - The Language Of Lust
This section contains the best “pick-up lines.”
I’ve assembled a collection of 60 great opening lines, from nice to naughty; and if they don’t work, I’ve included 10 great closing lines.

Ch. 5 – You Talking To Me?
This section instructs men on how to talk to women, or rather, how to listen.
They say talk is cheap, I think it’s because the supply is greater than the demand. The art of listening does not come easy for a man, but it is one that must be mastered, because generally speaking, women are generally speaking.

Ch. 6 - The World Revolves Around Horizontal Refreshments
This section is an international study of the business of sex.
I read a survey that reports women like to look at men’s butts. I’m not surprised, that’s where we keep our wallets. Men want sex; women want… compensation.

Ch. 7 - Porn To Be Wild
This section details firsthand observations of the making of a porn movie.

Ch. 8 - Get Some Self
This section is about masturbation.
I think if God didn’t want us to masturbate our genitals would have been placed in the middle of our backs, instead of conveniently at the end of our arms. In fact, I think God wants us to have lots of orgasms; because He likes it when we scream His name.

Ch. 9 - Airgasm, A Love Poem
This section lists 100 rhyming terms for masturbation.

Ch. 10 - In Defense Of Hard Living, Wee Hours,
And The Unleashed Forces Of Cracked Grain
This section is about excessive alcohol consumption.
I’ve developed my own system to determine how much I drank the night before by how attractive the woman I wake up with is; if she is really ugly, I know I got really drunk. But if she is really attractive, I know she got really drunk.

Ch. 11 - Chicken Soup For The Divorcee’s Soul
This section is about marriage and divorce.
I was married, but it wasn’t serious. People say I married that woman because her Uncle left her a lot of money. That’s not true! I would have married her no matter who left her that money.

Ch. 12 - My Anaconda Don't Want None
This section is about overweight women.
I envy the men that are attracted to girls with “junk in the trunk.” Because having a preference for fat girls is like having a preference for the black jelly beans–if you like them you can pretty much have as many as you want–and if your friends find out, they will probably give you theirs.

Ch. 13 - Man's Breast Friend
This section is about mammary glands, both natural and store-bought.
Women long ago figured out that men are born with an instinct that drives them to look at breasts with the same intensity that a jeweler looks at diamonds, except most men don't seem to care if they are zirconium.

Ch. 14 - Days Worth Remembering
This section is a calendar listing of naughty events.
169 days of slut significance, from Casanova’s birthday, to the date Florida legalizes oral sex, to the day the trademark was issued for first Birth Control Pill.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Spanky is an award-winning comedian, author, magazine