Say What Needs To Be Said

On the first day of this year, I pulled an illegal U-turn and went back to visit him, in the nursing home.  Because somehow I knew I needed to, I knew I was running out of time.  I hope I turned around all the other times I needed to, sat there when I needed to.  Talked to him every time I needed to, every time he needed me to. 

My father is dying.  I know this.  I abandoned my life, moved here, to be with him, to assist in his care.  I've been with him for two solid years and they think I have at least that much more time as the disease progresses, stealing his abilities, his independence. 

I do not.  Our time is up.  Suddenly, very suddenly after all that waiting, he is gone.   My teacher, my sounding board, my supporter, my father.  That title has so much meaning.  Father.  My father is gone. 

Did he know how much I loved him?  That I would have done anything in my power to make his life better?  I hope so, I better have.  There is no second chance, no do-over. 

My grandfather walked down the street to buy milk and never came back, was struck, and died instantly.  I did not feel that I had said all that I wanted to, to him.  It was a hard lesson.  It has taken my lifetime to learn it well.  This book contains a few of those hard lessons, I hope they help you Say What Needs To Be Said.