Technically Dead

Cooper's dead. But what's a nerd to do when Heaven doesn't believe in technology, and hell's hotter than an overclocked CPU? Panicking and running away back to Earth seems a perfectly logical reaction, especially since his beloved computer hasn't come with him. Of course, what to do then is a bit of a puzzle that only Linda can solve.

This is a very short book - novelette length - around 10 000 words or 40 (print) pages.

Warning: Contains frequent foul language, adult themes, nerd-speak and Aussie insults. Not suitable for children.

Cooper says:
"I'm dead.
"This is sorta ####ing me off.
"I don't know what happened, though. One moment I was on my way to visit my girlfriend with a big bunch of flowers, and the next I saw a big bright light and a cloud and a crowd of dudes in dresses carrying harps. Holy ####, I thought, I'm dead! Then I thought - #####, that looks like a church choir, all low-tech and acoustic and stuff. That's not where I wanna be. Bet they don't have a single computer, or if they do it's like a 386 or something, all filled with dustbunnies. There's no way I'm getting stuck in a low-tech shiny place like that with acoustic music everywhere. That's a freaky version of hell. #### no. So I ran, or flew or something the #### away, and now I'm back home and I'm still dead.
"I think maybe my girlfriend killed me."

Linda says:
"Oh Lord, a few stubbies short of a sixpack as well as too dumb to go to heaven. This one's gonna be a barrel of fun. "

Krystal says:
"I can't believe the stupid little ######## thinks I did him in. Now I wish like #### that I had. What the #### is wrong with him? ####ing self-absorbed moron, can't believe he killed himself through arrant stupidity, so he's got to blame the only person who ever put up with him for more than five ####ing minutes."