The Official "I Hate Women" Jokebook

Bartender Rob Loughran noticed that most of the jokes he heard at work were about women. So he wrote them all down and published them in "THE OFFICIAL "I HATE WOMEN" JOKEBOOK

His wife and five daughters think he's an idiot for telling jokes like:

What's the best thing to do when you see your wife staggering around on your front lawn?
Shoot her again.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

A man walks into a bar and orders a Tanqueray Sapphire martini. He slams it down, looks in his shirt pocket and orders another. He repeats this five times, then asks for the tab. The bartender totals it up and says, "Why do you examine the contents of your pocket after each drink?"
"I have a picture of my wife in there. When she starts looking good I go home and fuck her."

Did you hear about the new morning after birth control pill for men?
It alters their blood type.

An old man walks into a bar and the barkeep says, "What's new?"
The old guy says, "I think my wife died."
"You think?"
"Yeah. The sex is the same but the dishes are piling up."

Why are there 7.2 million abused women in the United States of America?
Because they never shut the fuck up.

What's the main difference between a blonde cheerleader and a bowling ball?
You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.

"Please deliver the moped," said Ron to the salesman, "with a note that says, Happy Birthday from your Husband."
"A little surprise for the wife?" asked the clerk.
"Hell yes, she's expecting a Mercedes."

Why don't they let women swim in the ocean?
They can't get the smell out of the fish.