The Ruthless Preacher

Jamie Lee honestly wanted to be like everyone else. He wanted to love and feel things for others, but it seemed beyond him. His reverie was interrupted when the reverend introduced and waved for him.

The reverend held out his hand and winked. “I know you all have been waiting for our new wonder boy, so without further adieu here is Jamie Lee… Vincent!

Jamie Lee’s worries and nervousness morphed into a giant smile when the crowd stood and went berserk. He laughed as signs like, WE LOVE OUR BASTARD! and DA VINCI AND QUEEN ELIZABETH ARE BASTARDS TOO! were raised up high. Waving and throwing kisses, he sauntered out, flashing his winsome smile and nodding his head in mini bows. As he took the mic from Sonny, the crowd broke into a chant…Bastard…Bastard…Bastard! Jamie Lee knew from that moment on, he would never have to regret not knowing his father, because, religion and Sonny Riverton had made his illegitimate birth status a non sequitur.

After the crowd calmed down, Jamie Lee said, “I want to thank everyone for the warm welcome.”

There was a smattering of applause, but he quickly raised a hand. Then Jamie Lee began to bounce on the balls of his feet. “You know why I’m bouncing?”

“No,” The audience said unanimously.

“I’m bouncing because I feel the Lords energy tingling through my body. I feel the Lord with us today. It’s especially strong right now. Ooh, it is so strong! Can you feel him?”

Various affirmative answers issued out among the audience.

He pointed his forefinger up and out. “You know why his presence is so strong right here, right now, today?”
“No!”
Jamie smiled and wiped his brow. “Two reasons. One is he loves each and every one of us and two is, he wants to check up on his latest gamble—me!”

Laughter filtered from the crowd.

“You laugh, but I was a gamble. I was lost. I was a sinner and yet God forgave me and wiped away my sins. That is the beauty of God. You don’t have to fill out an application. You don’t have to have a credit check. All God wants, is for you to say, ‘take me God. I’m all yours,’ and your life starts over.”

More scattered clapping

“It’s hard not to sin. God knows that. How many of you sinned today?”

A few hands went up.

“That’s all? I sinned today. I called a certain politician, whom I won’t name, a son-of-a-bitch.”

Laughter.

“You know, Lying by omission is a sin too. Now tell me, how many of you sinned this week?”

Almost all hands went up.

He smiled. Now we’re getting somewhere.

More laughter.

“The good news is our God is a loving and forgiving God. I’m not going to go to hell for calling somebody a bad name and unless you are an unrepentant axe murderer, you’re not going for your sins either.”

Jamie Lee continued his sermon for another four minutes, after which he received a standing ovation, Bastard chants and all.