A Message from Mama

Within the throngs of Alzheimers diseaseUps and downs, brief

moments of clarity. One is almost hopeful that the old you has returned

for good, then, just as quicklya reality check. Its only a brief moment

of clarity. I miss you mama, even though you are here with me. Ive

had moments of griefforever grieving little losses every day. I try

desperately to hold on to as much of you as I can, trying not to be

selfish. I try desperately not to let it be patient and nurse. But letting it be

mother and daughter. Wondering if this is dj vu. I can sometimes see

Jessica helping escort me to the chair; covering me with the lap blanket

and sweater and bringing me my afternoon mealits as if all that time

has passed and I cant remember anything in between. Then flash back

to reality when you are clinging to me for dear life, your nails in my arms

and begging Jesus to save you, as we go from the bed to the wheel chair.

Once safe in the wheel chair everything is ok and back we go to normal

again.

Weve all been through some sort of loss but this loss is especially

cruel, to live while dying.