Board Stiff (Unabridged‪)‬

Be careful what you wish for... "I'm actually a smart girl who would make any man an excellent wife. But no man sees that. No man is interested in my mind or personality, just my whatevers. So here is my wish: I'm board stiff. I want Adventure, Excitement, and Romance."

So begins Piers Anthony's 38th Xanth novel, in which Irrelevant Candy looks at her reflection in the water of the shallow well and sees luxuriant midnight-black hair reaching down to her breathtakingly slender waist, matching the dark eyes in her lovely face. A torso that comes close to absolute perfection. She is man's desire. That is part of the problem. In the shallow magic of the well, she asks that her wish be granted. Something happens. A sudden whirlwind surrounds her, lifting her up and ripping off her clothing. She is changing somehow. Then she falls flat on the ground. Literally. She has been transformed into a flat, stiff board with two knotholes for eyes.