Reality is Fabulous: 250 Anecdotes and Stories

This book contains 250 anecdotes, including these: 1) On a very hot day in New York, the Pirates were playing the Giants. Frank Frisch, manager of the Pirates, lived in nearby New Rochelle. Neither the Pirates nor the Giants were very good that season, the game was meaningless, and one team got a big lead. At that point, Mr. Frisch came out of the dugout to plead with Mr. Conlan: “I want you to throw me out of this ball game. You know my house up in New Rochelle, Jock. It’s a lovely place. It’s got trees and green grass and beautiful flowers. And I’ve got a nice little keg of Schlitz, all iced up, sitting down in the cellar. Jock, this ball club is driving me insane. I can’t stand watching these .220 hitters any more. And it’s hot. It’s too hot. Jock, throw me out of this game. Let me go home.” Mr. Conlan replied, “Frank, you’re right. It is hot. It’s terrible. This isn’t much of a ball game. But you’re sitting over there in the dugout in the shade next to the water cooler. I’m standing out here in the sun in a dark blue suit, in a mask and shin guards and a chest protector. I’m dying up here. And you’re going to die with me. If you think I’m going to throw you out, you’re crazy. Go back and suffer.” 2) Lou Costello of Abbott and Costello fame was a master at getting perks from his movie studio, Universal Pictures. Deanna Durbin was the star actress on the movie production lot, and she had a trailer that served as her dressing room; therefore, Mr. Costello wanted trailers for him and for his partner, Bud Abbott. After making his pitch for the trailers to a Universal executive—and having his request turned down—Mr. Costello said that he would be reasonable, and he would show up for work on time, and he would know his lines. He paused, and then added, “But I don’t know how funny I’ll be.” He and his partner each got a trailer. By the way, Mr. Costello enjoyed gambling, although he lost a lot of money that way. Once, he bet $50,000 on a horse that had a big lead. Mr. Costello turned to a friend, smiled, and then said, “The only way my horse can lose is if it stumbles and falls down.” The horse stumbled, fell down—and lost. Also by the way, Mr. Abbott and Mr. Costello once gave the gift of a suitcase to their movie director, Arthur Lubin, a very dignified man. As they gave it to him, the suitcase fell open, and hundreds of condoms fell out. 3) Winston Churchill made many speeches. Before addressing an audience in the United States, a woman asked him how it felt to have his speeches so well attended. Sir Winston replied, “It’s quite flattering, but whenever I feel this way I always remember that if instead of making a political speech I was being hanged, the crowd would be twice as big.”