Connecting and disconnecting … seen as an art

Analyzing in freudian style my own life … i’ve finally understood why i am … an idiot.
I was mad.
… and also sad. I could say that i was actually an emotional cocktail of madness and sadness … but …. I just could not accept it … even if i knew it by few days already.
But like all the ones that studied psychology… into a very deep way … i knew to hide all so damn good.
On the real scene of life … i was always wearing a very nice emotional mask … and no one really knew what is going on into my soul.
But …
Well … randomly… there were situations when i was becoming so furious …. actually acting like a … devil.
It was a total nonsense … but i was keep doing that … letting those daemons from inside of me … to dominate … all i was doing.
And that happened … on and on and on.
Today i was ok … and one day later … all those strong emotions from inside of me … were taking the control over my soul.
I was actually connected to beautiful vibes … then again to negativity.
It was all an emotional balance.
I was connecting… then disconnecting …. then connecting again …
I’ve tried to understand myself … but more i was going deeper and deeper … i’ve felt that i could not accept that i dislike so much … something specific from my reality.
This connecting … disconnecting… story … was actually … a chain reaction.
Not being happy of some of the elements of my life … i was randomly losing control on myself … allowing to …. explode … as a nuclear bomb … destroying all around myself.
I was basically… a person that could be defined as … a good guy.
… but ….
Randomly… allowing those little devils from inside my soul … to dominate the energies beyond the scene of my life … i proved myself to actually be … on and on and on … an idiot.
Only the deep analyzes … done into a freudian style … made me see the fact … that not practicing the honesty … in front of myself … carrying all the time emotional masks that were actually hiding my real emotions … i was always ending up balancing between beautiful and ugly energies.
I had to accept my emotions.
… even to accept that i act like a …. great idiot … but …
I preferred to … hide the truth.
To hide my emotions …
So … i simple continued life … connecting… and disconnecting… to beautiful … but also … ugly energies.