Directionally Challenged

In my ideal adventure of a lifetime I would encounter intense gun fights, car chases, world-threatening disease, and gorgeous women. But somehow I ended up on the wrong end of a joke and got stuck with fallen emotional angels, bitter fairies, a talking owl, fish people, and a girl with a machete. And that doesn't even begin to cover my problems. My two friends and I find ourselves unexplainably teleported to a sanctuary for exiles, a planet halfway across the universe from Earth. All I wanted was a little adventure, but what I got was a journey I never could've imagined.