Dog Day Dimp

As a one-armed dwarf who fainted from lightheadedness whenever extra blood flowed into his oversized penis, David Ignatius Montgomery Parker didn't have an awful lot going for him. What he did possess however was a remarkable propensity to affect those he came into contact with in a life-changing or even life-terminating way! Zelda, a more or less ex-prostitute; Father James, a priest with a crisis of faith; Charlie Mason, a greedy, greasy nightclub owner with a regular toilet habit; wannabe doctor, Mr Smith; Eddie Carter, a local gangster; TV chat show hosts, Dick and Trudy and two mature ladies of the night all come into contact with the little Manchester United fanatic, who's only real dream in life was to be the world's first five foot tall one-armed goalie (he seriously over-estimated his final height).