The Lineup (Unabridged‪)‬

Want to know a secret?

It's about that girl over there. Don’t look, but she’s the one in the power suit with the long, black hair and the serious expression. The one I’m about to go on a date with.

Yeah, according to her, she “accidentally” donated an obscene amount of money to my charity - The Lineup - to win said date, but I found out the truth.

Miss. Button-Up-Blouse has a secret. A passionate crush on me. I didn’t know her name until two days ago, despite the friends we have in common. Was I oblivious? Probably. Was I blind to it? Definitely.

But I’m no fool. I see it now. The high-heeled harlot wants more than just a date with Jason Orson. She wants to be able to claim the best butt in baseball as hers. 

Here's another secret: She has no idea I know.